The Hunger Fear

Delicious food. This is greatest and the worst thing about where I work. Purebread.ca

Fruit GalletteOutrageous BrownieHow do I resist this day in day out?  Easy . . . I don’t.

It all tastes too good not to eat. If I’m not in the mood for something sweet (which is never) there’s something warm and cheesy just waiting for me around the corner.

Unfortunatley I have to do quality control and taste every cake that comes across my path. I love it.

One of the things that I need to remember is that there’s tasting and then there’s eating or in my case wolfing.

I recently realised that I have a fear of going hungry.

I’m an extremely grumpy person when I am hungry. I become very irrational, irritable just a pain in the ass really. So I usually take snacks with me everywhere I go. I’m like that guy or girl in the snickers add.

Appearantly this hunger fear comes from our ancestors. From the days where money and food was more scarce and they might have gone a few days or weeks without food. They were starving and would do anything to get food for their family. So it’s instinct. It’s embedded within us.

 This is absolute pants.

 I’ve never experienced starvation. Food is everywhere and there is no shortage on the way. Is it ancestral instinct when I’m a little hugry (or more like I’m just not full anymore) my brain kicks into action and says “wow wow wow you better eat quick buddy as this feeling brings me back to our famine days – remember those”. No, no I don’t personally remember the great famine. . . . Pants.

So what is it? Where does this fear come from? And when I say fear, lets clarify, it’s not really a fear. I don’t suddenly have a pang and start having a panic attack smashing down a window of a shop to get my snickers bar.

For me I think it comes from experience. We all know that dreaded feeling before a big exam. The exam itself isn’t so bad when you actually do it but it’s the weeks and days running up to it that’s the worst part. It’s the same as the thought of going hungry. I don’t want to be put in that uncomfortable situation where I can’t focus properly because I’m hungry. Or that I end up eating something not so healthy just to fill the gap.

So here’s what happens: I’ll eat breakfast, an hour later I think “I’m going for a run soon I better eat more in case I get hungry”. You can see that this doesn’t end well and I’ll spend most of the run crippled from being too full. So this is over eating. And yes I am ridiculous.

HummingbirdI think about food all the time. It’s an obsession. Some of the time I’m thinking of new recipes to try out. At night I lie in bed thinking of what yummy breakfast I’m going to make. Breakfast is my favourite. Don’t get me started on food porn. This is the ultimate killer. I am instantly starving when I start looking at food porn. And then there’s work. Every two minutes I’m thinking “ Am I hungry now? . . no . . . ok but now?

What I’m doing about it: I’m starting to listen to my brain more and listening to my belly less. When I think I’m hungry I’ll remember back to those awesome banana pancakes I just ate an hour ago and I’ll say to myself. “Hold on there horse, your fine for now. Step away from the peanut butter.”

The ideal situation would be to never feel hungry. I don’t need that in my life. However, I think I’ve gotten to the stage where there are some blurred lines. Am I hungry or am I just not full anymore?

Sure I better eat an energy bar just in case.

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